Just came back from breakfast with one of the most impressive women I’ve ever known. (That she’s my son’s age isn’t relevant, except to make me feel like a fossil, but I digress).

Breakfast or walks are something we try to do, but life usually interferes.

We started off with the usual pleasantries and then dove into our latest challenges, but something she said struck me, and helped me feel a bit more connected to a world I’ve been retreating from.

The general energy of her world is off.

As soon as I processed her words a little bell inside went- that’s exactly it!

Lately, I have felt the same. Like I’ve stretched myself too thin. My brain is going at a mile a minute, but I’m stuck.

I’ve been writing and riding, but both endeavors feel flat.

Part of that is disappointment. I’ve had to revisit my goals and how I want to reach my altered targets. With riding, I am lucky enough to have a horse that can do the job I want. Writing is a whole other bag of worms.

Add into that mix a desire to people please, perfectionism, and natural introversion, you get the mess that is my current state.

I’m learning to be good with that.

My bandwidth these days is pretty limited.

Is it the collective subconscious of the world? My own brain chemistry? Karma (the bitch who seems to hate me lately)?

Here’s an example: Went out to dinner because we had nothing in the house, because neither one of us had the motivation to go shopping. Our local place was crowded- hey, Saturday night! There were two spots at the bar. The first was next to one of Dear Husband’s friends. The other was at the end of the bar.

I left Dear Hubby with his friends, thinking he would have someone to talk to and I could exist happily in my anti-social bubble for a few minutes.

I had a really good book loaded on my phone. The bartender is a saint and handed over my wine with a heartfelt “enjoy.”

I opened the browser on my phone.

“Is that your horse? Do you have horses? Can I see pictures?” The guy next to me asked. Not wanting to be rude, I showed him. “Honey, look!” he told his wife, “She has horses!”

Aaannnndddd we were off.

While I appreciate all they went through when they volunteered at an unethical animal rescue- truly, truly, I do. There is nothing worse than someone taking advantage of the kindness of others and hoarding animals in the name of rescuing them.

On any other night, talking to them wouldn’t have decimated me. But that night, I didn’t have it in me. Peopleing is sometimes hard for me. It’s draining. And that night it was siphoning a tank already running on fumes.

However, to get back to my pal Karma…One glance down the bar and I see Dear Hubby, not talking or socializing which he loves to do, but engrossed in his phone!

Yep, Karma isn’t happy with me these days.

Or I could just change my perspective. Leave it to my brilliant friend to hand it to me along with a Belgian waffle on a diner plate. My energy is off.

It might be some sort of cosmic thing having to do with astrology, the wind, barometric pressure, or the collective subconscious of the world. Or it could be I need to recharge mentally and physically. To say no (which I did last night to something I was interested in but would have had to jump through too many hoops to make it happen), to make a list of what I need to do and whittle it down to absolute necessities, to contrast that list with one containing the things I want to do and find the middle ground.

If it means taking a nap or sitting on the back porch alone, trying to ask for what I need instead of feeling less because I can’t give others what they want. I have to allow myself that luxury. Because right now, I’m feeling a bit fragile. And I refuse to break.