Today, I plan to show my horse. We’ve done the work-I think. Yesterday’s school was rough- she wasn’t quite right, and we didn’t practice the whole course. But I’ve done a solid job with the basics. I have appropriate clothes to wear (my tall boots don’t fit yet, but thank the universe for half-chaps!). The fences are as low as the expectations.

Cue the anxiety.

It is about the same level as having my manuscript done (but is it ever really finished?). I have the query written. I feel pretty good about it. Synopsis? Check. And I send it out while clutching my tea mug, anxious and hopeful that it will find its way into someone’s heart.

Horse showing isn’t that different. I’ve spent the winter getting my show horse back after a lengthy sabbatical. It was all coming together. And much like my early querying days, seemed to be going well.

This afternoon, following a morning of playing mind games with myself, I was ready to go!

We went into a crowded schooling ring- imagine 15 horses in an enclosed space, all going different directions. It’s usually the trigger for my own epic meltdowns. Too many moving parts for my little ADHD brain. It’s about this time my mare likes to throw in a case of the “bouncies.” A lovely trick that leaves me with no steering mechanism while fighting to keep her between me and the ground. In a ring full of 15 horses careening around and jumping random fences.

Today, she was PERFECT!

But when it came to jumping, she wasn’t right. Her discomfort bad enough that my trainer- who typically yells at me to “put on my big girl pants and keep going”-shook her head and slashed her hand across her neck.

Not today.

It was kind of like getting those form rejections on my full manuscripts.

No real answers, just rejection.

I’ll have my mare checked out by the vet, give her some time, and get back to it.

Same with my queries. I’ll have my pity party, rewrite my query, edit my first pages and get back to it.

Someday, I hope the stars will align enough for me to show well in both the jumper ring and the literary world.

Now, wouldn’t that be a treat?